ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize