u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
