im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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