the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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