so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
