dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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