You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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