drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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