it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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