Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
