whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
