Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
