I wanna passion pit in your ass
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize