Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
its not stalking. its research.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
