All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I need water and some morals
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize