make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize