I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Acid is not a monday night drug
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
