I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
