I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
