Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
