I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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