IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
