Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Alive.
So much puke
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
