My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
