Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
