Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My vagina is officially offended.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
