he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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