i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
