put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
