i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
