he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
