Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
