Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
