please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Shitshow foam night was such a success
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
