Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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