I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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