he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
