I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
