i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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