Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
