just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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