I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
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