Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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