She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
