How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
