I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
