That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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