So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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