I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
