The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
