:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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