I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
