I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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