apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
pray to the hookup gods
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize