my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
