Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
