You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
