Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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