I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
