Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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