I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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