if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
