God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
