Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
