sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize