Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
